You need to reclaim your baggage

Admit to yourself that you're afraid. You're scared when your SO doesn't react to something like you wanted them to. You're worried if you were meant to be. You're anxious about whether you're good enough. Whether you're enough.

And it's totally normal to feel this way. But never, ever take it out on your partner. Trust me: you can work it out together, but the work starts with you. What are you afraid of? What makes you hurt? What makes you happy?

Life is a journey of self-discovery. Invite your partner along. For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, heal together and when something scares you, share.

"Be Lighthouses For Each Other"

One of my favourite relationship advice comes from my favourite romcom, Our Flag Means Death (the drama! the romance! the pirates!). How do you know you're a good fit?

You make each other happy.

That's how easy it is. That's how hard it is.

All couples argue, it's true. But not all couples hurt each other. When there's hurt, there should be repair. Make sure you have a system in place, and that you're both putting in the effort.

Being a couple means working as a team. When you feel like your partner is on your side, all is right.

You're still you

Independent, wonderful you. Have friends and hobbies outside your relationship.

Then go further.

Have alone time together. Establish signals that you need some space. Make sure to set rules ahead of time. No quick questions, no interruptions.

You may not have the space for a "room of your own" á la Virginia Woolf, but goddamnit, you deserve a nook. Have a chair, a desk, a pillow, something that's only yours.

I promise you it's not weird. Even if you and your partner are joined by the hips, there are moments you'll eventually need for yourself. Build the foundations for them.

Love is in the acts, not in the words

The words are important, of course. You need affirmation, appreciation, sweet nothings.

But saying "I love you" won't make love happen.

I think love is the work you put in.

You build a relationship. You build it together, and you build it brick by brick.

Comfort them when they're upset. Bring them soup when they're sick. Ask them questions: "would it work for you?" "should we do this?" Care for their comfort.

Love to the moon and back

One of my favourite quotes goes like this: “I burned so long so quiet you must have wondered if I loved you back. I did, I did, I do.” Oh, Annelyse Gelman, I should've listened!

Because this is my biggest regret: not letting my love burn bright enough. I was shining with love in my twenties, and tried to dim my light.

Don't make the same mistake.

Nothing lasts forever, which is all the more reason to love loudly and totally.