Sometimes I get moments
Small glimpses of what’s to come
Dare I say, relief?
These days the guilt doesn’t feel so
Heavy
Pulling me further into myself
I miss the confident badass
That shows up in my memories
She smiles genuinely
She laughs loudly
She questions everything
God I miss her
It’s like she’s dormant
Scared and unsure
I know when she comes back
She’ll be better than before
More confident
More loved
More…ready?
Are we ever ready?
Some things, they repeat in life
But some things are so big
They can only happen a few times
Or we wouldn’t survive it
It’s not just bad things we aren’t ready for
Sometimes we don’t see the best things
Coming right at us
Full speed
No lights
No sirens
Just takes you out
When you least expect it
At first you resist it
Surely it’s a trap
A sick joke from the universe
Just waiting for the punch
Straight to your gut
And it’s uncomfortable
To be adored
To be cherished
To be….prioritized
A wild concept
I wasn’t ready to accept
But there he was
Persistent
Annoyingly so
He just wouldn’t give up on me
I don’t know why because
I gave up on myself
Didn’t think I deserved his
Time
Love
Dedication
Attention
I couldn’t understand
His willingness to give so much
He’s teaching me how to be soft again
Unlearning so many hard lessons
I think I do the same for him
Teach him things about himself
Show him how to be gentle
With others and himself
It’s just so different
I can’t explain it
Cosmic