Acceptance is the first step
I tend to take a more head-on approach to uncomfortable feelings, probably because I've spent most of my life running from them. The holiday season, albeit cheerful, also comes with extra money spent, increased time with family, and travel - talk about high cortisol.
It might seem counterproductive to remind yourself of this, but hear me out. Knowledge is power - call me a cliche, but it's true. Fear comes from the unknown; why do you think most people wait until something is terribly wrong before going to the doctor? If they were honest with you, it's because they would simply rather not know until they have to.
So, going into the holiday season knowing you are going to have moments of overstimulation or anxiety, and being able to say "it's the holidays, there's alot going on, and everything is going to be okay" is more powerful than you think.
Speak up for yourself - or get a holiday stress buddy
It's okay to need a moment!
When you can literally hear the oven clicking on and off underneath the sea of conversational chatter, while the dog is jingling with every step, and the tag on your sweater scrapes across you ribcage as you pull out a 400 degree casserole, frantically pressing buttons to make the beeping stop - it might be time for a time out.
I will typically tell someone that I need a moment, they will ask if I'm okay, and I tell them I will be. It's as simple as that. Take a moment outside, sit in your car, or go to a quiet room, if you can find one and just breathe.
If you are the type of person who gets overwhelmed or overstimulated and insists they are fine, but continue to snap on everyone and eventually meltdown, you need a holiday stress buddy. A person who knows you well, who you trust to look at you and say: "I can physically see that you are not okay, go take a moment." They will also be responsible for letting others know where you are, they can either tell the truth or tell them you had to poop, the choice is yours.
Breathe
The decorating, the shopping, the cooking, and the wrapping are not going to go to hell in a hand-basket while you take a 5 minute breather.
In through the nose for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, slow exhale through the mouth for 4-6 seconds, and repeat. I mean REPEAT. Keep deep breathing slowly until you find your neutral, your shoulders relax with each exhale, your pulse slows, you stop sweating, the flush retreats from your face. Take your time.
Cry
Sometimes all we need is a good cry, and I'll be the first to admit I hate this simple fact. I denied it for a long time, I never cried and was so proud. I've spent a good portion of 2024 crying, and really I've learned there is no shame in it. It's a release.
If you're a cryer, and you're pushed to the brink of stress, chances are a poorly timed ad could send you spiraling. Here's the thing: I would rather cry in the comfort of my own space than randomly burst into tears at the worst possible moment.
So, if you are taking your moment alone to breathe, and feel those hot tears come bubbling to the surface, let them fall. Keep breathing through it and don't lean into the meltdown, but feel the release. Find your neutral, dry your face, touch up your make-up and get back out there!
Journal
Before you skip this section - I don't mean keeping a notebook with a locket under your mattress. Although I am partial to putting pen to paper.
If you're an iphone user, you should have a little purple icon with what looks like a butterfly that popped up after an update last year. That is the journal app; I use it all the time. It automatically locks and requests face id to access, so it is completely private. Before the journal app, of course there was notes, which you can basically write forever in and never run out of characters. Or you can just open a new message to no one.
In any case, you can type away all of your feelings and thoughts. Sometimes the thoughts are flying so fast you can't possibly catch them all to write them down. When that happens, talk to text is my go to.
Occasionally, it's not so much about the words as it is being heard. When I am feeling that way, I will open my camera and take a video as if I was talking to my best friend, holding nothing back. I might go back and watch it or I might delete it immediately.
Either way it feels good to get those feelings off your chest. The whole point is to get the swirling thoughts and stress out of your head. Purging the system. A little self-therapy session goes a long way.
Don't be so hard on yourself
I used to think it was selfish or high maintenance to take a moment alone in social situations. In reality, pushing through that stress and forcing yourself through is not the same as being present.
You owe it to yourself and the people you love to be in a calm, regulated state of mind and enjoy this time with them. If all it takes is a few minutes to yourself to purge your thoughts or collect your emotions, isn't that worth a holiday season you actually look forward to?