Why are you the right person to write a book like this?

This is a question that I have asked myself often throughout the writing process. I am just a regular person, with common desires and limitations, just like everyone else. Why should you listen to any advice or lessons I am trying to convey in this book? What are my credentials to be giving life lessons to others?

The simple answer to this question is that I do not have any special   credentials over you. I do not hold a PhD in Psychology or consider myself a subject matter expert in the main topics covered in the book. But what makes me different is that I have actually experienced and lived through the subjects in this book. I have felt the highest of highs in life. In turn, I have lived the lowest that life has to offer. I have learnt valuable lessons from good situations and teachers in life. And I have learnt even greater valuable lessons the hard way, all throughout my life as well. My basic idea is to share these lessons with you, where you can incorporate these lessons into your life the way you deem fit. If you read this book and come to the conclusion that there is nothing of value to take away, then I hope you have at least had an entertaining insight into my life and what I have experienced.

Furthermore, I believe there is a shortage of people like me sharing knowledge in this way. Traditionally, I found that these types of books have been written by people that have studied these cases academically rather than living it out themselves. The experiences and relatability of the situations they discuss have not been based on first-hand experiences. I have also found that there is a shortage of male writers in these fields writing from a males’ perspective. My goal is to provide alternative aid.

Tell me some things that are unique about yourself.

I have an Engineering Degree and a Master’s in Business, which have shaped the way I think and approach the world. I take a structured approach to knowledge and I am constantly trying to match and validate new information against what I already know. For good or for worse, I see patterns in the world and I use these patterns intuitively to predict and project the future. I have always been terrible at remembering things. Even just 4 digits in order, read aloud, was difficult for me to recall. But at the same time, I can remember a 40-digit sequence entered into a keypad. Similarly, I have never been the fastest to gasp new information. But when I do understand something, I completely understand it (inside and out as the saying goes). I see patterns within systems. I am able to break the understanding down to smaller fundamental parts and rebuild it back up in any form possible. In that sense, I am able to connect the dots and bridge the gaps appropriately.

I am a son of three continents. I am Sri Lankan, born and raised in Australia and now living in the United States. The sense of where I belong has always been elusive to me, as I feel like a foreigner in every country I call “home”. The lack of a single “home” has shaped my views on life and interactions with others. Having a very close, identical twin brother and involved parents, has instilled a grand view of family, friendship and loyalty, which has its own benefits and issues. The mix of individuality and team work have always been interlaced.

What are these ups and downs, you have experienced?

My life has been a rollercoaster. There are too many extremes to talk about in detail, but let me share the severities of my life’s ups and downs.

I went from being one of the most popular university students in the city knowing “everyone”, doing fashion parades and bachelor auctions, to not talking to anyone for one year and becoming invisible from the world.

I went from not being able to walk since I had both my legs in braces due to a misdiagnosis of rickets as a child to winning state long distance and spirit running competitions.

               I went from being fearless and naturally gifted athlete to not being able to walk upright with 3 slipped discs in my spine, multiple torn ligaments, several broken bones, and losing feeling in my left leg.

I went from having my first job as a telemarketer getting paid minimal wage to being one of the youngest directors at a 100-year-old multinational global company.

I went from winning a national popularity competition titled “The Ultimate Guy” to feeling chronic depression after my entire world as I knew it had been destroyed.

I went from saving money all my life and being fiscally conservative with money, to having to study law on my own so I can defend myself in court in front of a judge since I was out of money to continue keeping my lawyer.

               I went from losing everything I worked hard to gain in my life, to gaining the one thing I wanted most in the world (a meaningful and strong relationship with my son).

I can keep continuing with this list but I hope you get the idea. It is ups and downs such as these, why I wanted to write this book, since both the ups and downs taught me a great deal. I am sure most subject matter experts, PhD holders and others that write similar books, may not have experienced such real ups and downs.

What is the style of the book?

As you may already be able to tell, this book is written in a conversational style. While reading, I hope it feels like I am right there, talking directly to you. I hope it conveys the feelings of us having a private one-on-one conversation together. Throughout the book, I share my very personal thoughts, experiences, research and my practical approaches to problems. I often ask you to be involved as you read, and relate and apply what I am saying to your own life. I encourage you to sincerely attempt the practical exercises I suggest in order to get your inquisitive mind thinking and actively questioning what I am saying. So essentially, the idea of using this writing style is for the reader to find the book engaging, enlightening and thought-provoking.

How is the book structured?

The chapters are structured in a conscious way; beginning internally and then working ourselves outwards. I want the reading of the book to be like a journey we can take together, as we start at the center of who we are, and move outwards.

At the start of each chapter, I have summarized some of the talking points, so that if you need to ever reference or refer to a topic quickly in the future, you are able to find it quickly. I want to make this book a guide/handbook that can be referred to, when needed.

At the end of the book, I added the “Healthy Body, Healthy Mind (Fitness)” chapter as a bonus for anyone interested in learning about how muscles work and how to make the most out of a healthy lifestyle. This chapter does not fit into our journey the way other chapters do, and in that sense, reading that chapter is optional.

Additionally, I included a list of some references that I used and books that I have personally found influential. All the listed books have shaped my way of thinking and are worth reading if you are interested in hearing more details about the topics.

Who should read the book?

The book is intended to be read by everyone, whatever the gender-identity or race or age. Since I am male, I did not want to overstep and misrepresent anyone, so I wrote it from my point of view because that is the point of view I know and have experienced. I wanted to make the book as practical and personal as possible, while expanding the content to cater for larger situations similar to what I have experienced. I did want to have the target audience as males similar to myself, since there is relatively little content out there for people similar to me. But, if you are any other gender-identity and you have a father-figure, son, husband, coworker or anyone that you interact with, then this book is also for you as well. I believe human interactions are key in this modern world, where we need to be there for one and other.

I hope this book finds the right reader, at the right time of their life, when they are receptive to making a difference in their own life and other’s. After reading this book, I hope you find value in it yourself, that you recommend it to someone else that you know who may need it, and is ready to make a change in their own lives.

I am not hoping for commercial success or to touch a vast majority of the population. Rather, I am hoping to intimately touch the right person at the right time (when this book is needed the most). My goal is to make a difference in the reader’s life.

What was your inspiration for the book?

My inspiration to write the book was based on my friend Harry. After a day of representing myself legally against a trained lawyer, I received a traffic ticket from police as I was exiting the lawyer’s office (I turned from a non-turning lane). Receiving this ticket was my tipping point for the day, and I drove to Harry’s workplace. I asked Harry to come outside as I sat on the curb of the office parking lot with my head in my hands. I was crying and I was breaking down. Harry knew very little of what I was experiencing at the time, but he came out, and without asking anything, put his arm around me and picked me up. He said the important words that I needed to hear, and ones that will always stick with me, “WE will get through this together”. Harry was just a good friend and coworker, who knew very little about what I was going through at the time, and had no reason to get involved with the problems of a coworkers’ life, but his simple gesture made me feel not alone. In reality, I was very much alone at that time and experiencing one of my darkest periods of my life. I was closed off from the world and battling to survive in so many ways. Just having someone stand next to me, gave me the strength I needed to push forward and lift my head up.

My initial desire was to create a practical handbook for men since I saw a real need for such a help/guide book. I know I would have benefited if I had such a guide earlier in my life.

Any final thoughts?

There are hard truths in this book and the reader has to be ready to have those thoughts provoked. My intention is never to judge or embarrass anyone but to guide their thoughts towards self-growth.

In this book, I will share my personal experiences and thoughts that have been shaped throughout my journey of life. Even though no one will be able to relate to my experiences 100% (not even my identical twin brother), I hope people can find aspects of my life that they can relate to. I have used names that are sometimes fictional to hide people’s identities while using true names after gaining their permission to use them in the writing. The stories and experiences that I share in the book are accurate and real.

I do have to finally stress that the advice, thoughts and solutions that I share are based upon antidotal practical evidence and not scientific studies or academic research. The book is written based on my real-life personal experiences of the topics. The advice is based upon what I have personally experienced, felt and used to survive and grow. My intentions are purely to educate.

My lessons were learnt by living through them. These are the lessons which I have learnt along the way, and the lessons I wish I had learnt earlier in my life.

               I truly hope you enjoy reading this book and it makes a difference in your life.